I want to become President of India

After I became eligible for the post of President of India, many opportunities came before me to become President. Many people contested and became President. I never thought of it. I have always opined that the post of President is the most ineffective post in India. You simply can't do any thing except addressing the nation on the eve of 26th January and 15th August; address parliament; inaugurate functions; give away awards etc. Most of the time the address is given to you and you have to only read it. You don't like the order sent to you by Govt but you have no option but to sign it. Govt does every thing in your name but you have no role to decide your actions.

Now, you will ask that what has motivated me to think of becoming President. The answer is harassment. President is the least harassed person in this country. I have used the word 'least' because no body in this country can claim that he or she is not harassed, and President is harassed only by politicians and that too indirectly.

Everybody harasses me and I can't do anything. No body bothers that their harassment is making my life difficult. They are simply not ready to leave me alone. They always harass me as though they are doing their national duty. So I thought why not become President of India. I have just missed a chance. Next chance will come after five years. In these five years I will work to garner support of those who vote in the election of President. I know that they are the people I detest most but to avoid harassment I will have to seek their support.

I request all to help me become President of India.

Call Centers and Customer Support

Service providers have put Call Centers between them and you. By doing this they have avoided any angry reaction from the customers for the poor quality of their services. The guys sitting at call center do not know anything about the service. They are paid to talk and only talk.

Here are some conversations:

Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'.
Customer: 'OK'.
Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'.
Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?' Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'.
Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.

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Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realized that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?'.

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There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk
employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect
organization for 'Termination without Cause'.

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: 'Computerperformance assistance; may I help you?' Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'

Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'

Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'

Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared.'

Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'

Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'

Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'

Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'

Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'

Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'

Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'
Caller: 'I don't know.'

Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'

Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'

Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'
Caller: 'No.'

Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'

Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller: 'I can't reach.'

Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'
Caller: 'No.'

Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean over??'
Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'

Operator: 'Dark??'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window'.

Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'

Operator: 'No? Why not??'
Caller: 'Because there's a power cut.'

Operator: 'A power......... A power cut? Aha, Okay, We've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the attic.'

Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the shop you bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'

Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'

Operator: 'Tell them you're too ****** stupid to own a computer!

Source - http://www.guy-sports.com/months/jokes_call_centre.htm